Your mind is a mystery. It has unlimited storage space. But you might not be able to choose what to remember. Memories start to fade as each day passes. However, there’s something that will remain forever.
To better describe the encounter with her the previous night, I think I was probably too afraid to speak to a person I haven’t seen for too long. Maybe I couldn’t find my words. Maybe I’ve got nothing to talk to her. Maybe I just wanted to escape from the scene. Maybe I was worrying too much about how she would think of me. Maybe we don’t need to talk to each other at all, because she knows why, we were once friends after all.
I wasn’t paying attention to anything she said. She told me about her favourite movies, music, books, or things that she likes. I was too angry, and self-absorbed. Years later, I watched the movies she asked me to watch, read the books she told me to read, and listen to the music she likes. It took me a good few years to realize “Oh, that’s the movie she’s talking about!”. What kind of person I was?
I once imagined what will us be like if we were together. Like Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy in the movie trilogy Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight? To be together after all these years?
It could never be us.
If I had to choose one thing to remember, I’d pick a specific moment. A scene where we were eating rice noodles (pho). There’s always some fresh spring in it. The other day, we forgot to ask not to add spring in it when placing the order. She doesn’t like it and uses chopsticks to pick them all out and wanted to place them into my bowl. It took her quite a while and by the time, I’ve already finished my noodles. She hasn’t even started hers. The “warmth” of that moment gave me I’ll never forget. Every time I think of this moment makes me smile. Nothing can take that away from me, even time.
Memories fading. I can remember only fragments of moments. I’ve never written down my feelings like this before. I have regrets and disappointment. But it doesn’t matter anymore.
So long, my dearest friend.
This is #Day17 of #100DaysToOffload.